Who Was Not Nice To Whom?

Like many others on Twitter, I track certain keywords in discussion. I saw the following message posted by @nicks_fix on Twitter yesterday.

RT @johnsykes1035 The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank. – Dante Gabriel Rossetti

I responded to her with a simple truth. For her, I’m sure “truth” means something else, but for me, it means “representing reality.”

@nicks_fix When does this ever occur? I am thankful most of the time, and I thank those around me that make my life better every day.

Her response:

@godispretend That is wonderful! We all find our own path, & i’m glad you have found joy in yours 🙂 Have a great day!

Nice enough, but my purpose in replying to her wasn’t to point out that I, as an individual, have been able to be thankful. My point was that she was promoting hateful ideas intended to classify atheists as people with no joyful expression in their lives. So I responded.

@nicks_fix I just hope you realize how elitist you sound when you make blanket statements about those with different beliefs than you.

(Yeah, I said elitist.) She got offended and immediately flees to the moral high ground where she is safe and cozy.

@godispretend You know, I answer u back in a kind way & u clog my stream up by calling me elitist #notnice

So apparently, one reply to call her on her bullshit “clogs” her stream. She must not get very many @ replies. And it’s not surprising. If you check out her tweets, it’s nothing but a shitload of retweets from Tea Party assholes and Fox News. Out of curiosity, I headed over to TweetStats to see how many original ideas she actually contributes to the Twitterverse. 88.24% of her tweets (at the time of posting) are ReTweets. 11.76% are @ replies to other users. That leaves… anyone?… ZERO PERCENT of tweets that are not other people’s words or referencing other users. If one of us is doing anything to “clog” Twitter, it is her.

Hellfire Email from Years Past

When I’m not sorting through emails from the logically challenged and committing other to the spam folder, I sometimes have to deal with the traditional mass-forwarded email. These are easily identified by their subject lines containing repetitions of “FWD:” and “FW”, the hundreds of email addresses inhabiting the top portion of the correspondence, and the message, generally devoid of what someone with an IQ greater than 100 would call a compelling argument.

I received this email many years ago from a distant relative who had made an attempt to get in contact with more people from her family tree. She claimed she was going to be doing genealogical research, which seemed interesting enough, but after she started including me in her multiples-times-per-day spamathon, I blocked her email address. One message stood out to me, and I saved it in a high-tech Notepad file.

In light of the many perversions and jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it’s not funny, it’s intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham’s daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her “How could God let something like this happen?” (regarding the attacks on Sept. 11).

Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, “I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we’ve been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?”

In light of recent events…terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O’Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn’t want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.

Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school … the Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn’t spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock’s son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he’s talking about. And we said OK.

Then someone said teachers and principals better not discipline our children when they misbehave. The school administrators said no faculty member in this school better touch a student when they misbehave because we don’t want any bad publicity, and we surely don’t want to be sued (there’s a big difference between disciplining, touching, beating, smacking, humiliating, kicking, etc.). And we said OK.

Then someone said, let’s let our daughters have abortions if they want, and they won’t even have to tell their parents. And we said OK.

Then some wise school board member said, since boys will be boys and they’re going to do it anyway, let’s give our sons all the condoms they want so they can have all the fun they desire, and we won’t have to tell their parents they got them at school. And we said OK.

Then some of our top elected officials said it doesn’t matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs. Agreeing with them, we said it doesn’t matter to me what anyone, including the President, does in private as long as I have a job and the economy is good.

Then someone said let’s print magazines with pictures of nude women and call it wholesome, down-to-earth appreciation for the beauty of the female body. And we said OK.

And then someone else took that appreciation a step further and published pictures of nude children and then further again by making them available on the Internet. And we said OK, they’re entitled to free speech.

Then the entertainment industry said, let’s make TV shows and movies that promote profanity, violence, and illicit sex. Let’s record music that encourages rape, drugs, murder, suicide, and satanic themes. And we said it’s just entertainment, it has no adverse effect, nobody takes it seriously anyway, so go right ahead.

Now we’re asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don’t know right from wrong, and why it doesn’t bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with “WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.”

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world’s going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how you can send ‘jokes’ through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you’re not sure what they believe, or what they WILL think of you for sending it. Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it… no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don’t sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in!

Like so many other pieces that I have quoted, I don’t even know where to begin. From insinuating that someone created pornography with the intention of being wholesome family entertainment to thinking that spanking children is the only possible way to offer disciple in schools, the originator of this email has a seriously perverted worldview.

Nigerian Scam With a Religious Message

Throughout my years of internet usage, I have seen many scam emails. Most take the form of a foreign lottery jackpot or the estate of some distant dearly departed relative. This is the first time in more than 12 years of internet usage that I have come across one with an entirely religious slant. I think it’s funny that the overseas jackoffs that are running these scams can so easily (and quite accurately) recreate the verbiage that so many religious folks use.


Dearly Beloved.

Calvary greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, I am Mrs. Victoria Balli, I am a nationality of the United Kingdom, and I am presently hospitalized, due to my illness. I am 59 years old and I was diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer for about two years. I am a widow to Late Mr. William Balli. You see, my husband was once the Managing Director of Shell Oil Company in South Africa, where we spent most of our lives and I have served the Lord all through my life.

From all indications, my condition is serious and is quite obvious that I may not live more than six months, because the cancer stage has gotten to a very severe state and my doctor has told me this. The one that disturbs me most is the stroke that paralyzed half of my body before my late husband was killed during his reign as the Managing Director of Shell Oil Company.

My late husband was wealthy and after his death, I inherited all His business and wealth. Presently my doctor told me that I may not live for more than six months, though I am not scared about this, I am not afraid of death, hence I will be in the bosom of the Lord forever, any time my God calls me home. So, I now decided to look for an organization or an individual who is God fearing, that will use the funds for charity organization, by contributing to the development of evangelism in the world, assisting motherless babies homes and poor churches all over the world.
I selected you after searching the Internet for this purpose and prayed over it, for the fact that I always go to God in prayers in situation like this, because He is the Alfa and Omega. I am willing to donate half of my husbands wealth to you for the development of evangelism and also as aids for the less privileged around you rather than allow my husbands relatives to use my husband hard earned funds ungodly. You may contact my lawyer, James Cole, with the specified address-:

Barrister James Cole
9 Bedford Row London WC1R 4AZ
E-Mail: james_cole_lawfirm@mail2ohio.com
Phone: +44-702-404-1690

Ensure that you copy this correspondence to his email address above and tell him that I have asked you to reach him. Please, do not reply if you have the intention of using this fund for personal use, you will have a reasonable percentage of the total funds before investing the remainder of the funds for God`s works. Lastly, I want you and your church to keep praying for me regarding my health, because I have come to find out that wealth acquisition without Jesus Christ in one’s life, is vanity upon vanity. If you have to die says the Lord, keep fit and I will give you the crown of life. May the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the sweet fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you now and forever more, amen.

GET BACK TO ME WITH MY PRIVATE EMAIL: mrsvictoriaballiv@gmail.com

Goodluck in all your future endeavors and God bless you.


Mrs. Victoria Balli.

Church Garbage In My Mailbox

So a church wants to spend its hard-earned begged-for money on a mass untargeted mailing. That’s fine. I won’t complain. I get more things from Dish Network every week than I do from churches. I do feel sorry for the fools that contribute every week so that poor business decisions can be carried out in the name of the lawd.

I opened up this edition of House to House, Heart to Heart brought to me by my local Church of Christ. Nothing in particular stood out as particularly worthy of my time to read, even if just to lampoon it. A few of the articles were “I Want to Look Upon His Face,” “If God Should Go On Strike,” and “Hast Thou Considered My Servant Job?” The only one that really caught my attention was on the back page, one of the pages reserved for use by the local church (whereas all of the other material is produced by the national organization). This selection is titled, “Caged” and was written by Roger Campbell of Cleveland, Tennessee. I present it now for your review.

A boy with a rusty birdcage walked by a preacher.
“What are you going to do with that bird?” asked the preacher.
“Oh, I’m just going to pike sticks at it, shake the cage, throw water on it… fun things like that.”
“What are you going to do after that?”
“I don’t know; probably just feed it to the cats.”
“How much do you want for it?” asked the preacher.
“Aw, you don’t want it; it’s just an old field bird. It doesn’t sing or nothin’.”
“How much?”
The boy thought awhile, and then said, “Two dollars.” The preacher paid it. The boy grinned, and pocketed his money. Then he watched to see what the preacher would do with the bird. The preacher just opened the cage and turned it loose. The boy walked away, shaking his head over the craziness of some people.
The minister had something else in mind. Sin has “caged” each one of us and Satan has mankind in his grasp. Jesus asks, “What are you going to do with them?”
“I’m just going to have fun with them. I’m going to tease them. I’m going to bring heartache and pain into their lives.”
“And after that?”
“Well, when I get tired, I will take them to eternal destruction.”
“I will buy them,” says Jesus.
“You couldn’t possibly want them! They will despise You, use Your name in vain and reject You. Then they will kill You.”
“I will give my life.”
Jesus paid the price, and set us free (Ephesians 1:7). Won’t you accept His offer on His terms?

The first thing I thought while reading this, other than that this is a horrible comparison to make, is that “sin” only has man shackled because churches say we are. Sin is an invention of churches who just so happen to be selling the cure. Other than that I have can never understand how people think Jesus made a sacrifice. Jesus is the son of an omniscient god who knew that he would be martyred. It’s hardly a sacrifice if you know you’re whole life that that is your destiny. Also, I don’t see how the act of one deranged wanderer in Palestine two thousand years ago has any impact on my life today.

Of course, believing to your core in the divinity of this Jesus character helps the rest of these delusions fall right into place. The rest of us can only shake our heads at the illusions people surround themselves with.

Update: I posted on Twitter a couple of weeks ago about a “Do Not Knock” registry. While there won’t be a registry, and unfortunately no one in this country would legislate that religious organizations would have to comply, there will be a site coming soon that will have stickers/magnets for sale that will show religious solicitors that your home is a waste of their time. Stay tuned for more details.