Church Garbage In My Mailbox

So a church wants to spend its hard-earned begged-for money on a mass untargeted mailing. That’s fine. I won’t complain. I get more things from Dish Network every week than I do from churches. I do feel sorry for the fools that contribute every week so that poor business decisions can be carried out in the name of the lawd.

I opened up this edition of House to House, Heart to Heart brought to me by my local Church of Christ. Nothing in particular stood out as particularly worthy of my time to read, even if just to lampoon it. A few of the articles were “I Want to Look Upon His Face,” “If God Should Go On Strike,” and “Hast Thou Considered My Servant Job?” The only one that really caught my attention was on the back page, one of the pages reserved for use by the local church (whereas all of the other material is produced by the national organization). This selection is titled, “Caged” and was written by Roger Campbell of Cleveland, Tennessee. I present it now for your review.

A boy with a rusty birdcage walked by a preacher.
“What are you going to do with that bird?” asked the preacher.
“Oh, I’m just going to pike sticks at it, shake the cage, throw water on it… fun things like that.”
“What are you going to do after that?”
“I don’t know; probably just feed it to the cats.”
“How much do you want for it?” asked the preacher.
“Aw, you don’t want it; it’s just an old field bird. It doesn’t sing or nothin’.”
“How much?”
The boy thought awhile, and then said, “Two dollars.” The preacher paid it. The boy grinned, and pocketed his money. Then he watched to see what the preacher would do with the bird. The preacher just opened the cage and turned it loose. The boy walked away, shaking his head over the craziness of some people.
The minister had something else in mind. Sin has “caged” each one of us and Satan has mankind in his grasp. Jesus asks, “What are you going to do with them?”
“I’m just going to have fun with them. I’m going to tease them. I’m going to bring heartache and pain into their lives.”
“And after that?”
“Well, when I get tired, I will take them to eternal destruction.”
“I will buy them,” says Jesus.
“You couldn’t possibly want them! They will despise You, use Your name in vain and reject You. Then they will kill You.”
“I will give my life.”
Jesus paid the price, and set us free (Ephesians 1:7). Won’t you accept His offer on His terms?

The first thing I thought while reading this, other than that this is a horrible comparison to make, is that “sin” only has man shackled because churches say we are. Sin is an invention of churches who just so happen to be selling the cure. Other than that I have can never understand how people think Jesus made a sacrifice. Jesus is the son of an omniscient god who knew that he would be martyred. It’s hardly a sacrifice if you know you’re whole life that that is your destiny. Also, I don’t see how the act of one deranged wanderer in Palestine two thousand years ago has any impact on my life today.

Of course, believing to your core in the divinity of this Jesus character helps the rest of these delusions fall right into place. The rest of us can only shake our heads at the illusions people surround themselves with.

Update: I posted on Twitter a couple of weeks ago about a “Do Not Knock” registry. While there won’t be a registry, and unfortunately no one in this country would legislate that religious organizations would have to comply, there will be a site coming soon that will have stickers/magnets for sale that will show religious solicitors that your home is a waste of their time. Stay tuned for more details.

3 thoughts on “Church Garbage In My Mailbox

  1. Wow, what a crappy story. I can barely decipher the message I’m supposed to have taken away from it. All I can think is, “What a smart kid, figuring out how to finagle money out of his preacher.”

  2. I was really hoping that the bird would shit on the preacher’s head after being released from the cage.

  3. What a happy ending that would have been! It would have also been nice if the bird had pecked at the preacher’s eyes rendering him “blind to God’s infinite truth” or some other such oft-repeated nonsense.

Comments are closed.