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Santa For Big Kids

Remember when you were young? I do. Life was simple. No work, no debt, and no worries. I had so much to look forward to as a child. One of my favorite times of year was Christmas. I would behave, clean my room — come to think of it, I’d do damn near anything at the prospect of Santa Claus paying me a visit.

Santa Claus, Father Christmas and Saint Nicholas are just a few of the names this jolly old elf goes by. He represents all that is good in the world. He rewards those who behave and follow the rules with presents and good cheer. Santa is not without his stern side. He scolds those who misbehave and leaves them with nothing but a bundle of twigs or a lump of coal. How can you ensure that Santa Claus will bring you gifts? It’s easy: follow the rules.

Did you ever try to catch Santa Claus when you were little? My parents told me that I shouldn’t go looking for him or he might not leave me any presents. Well I sure didn’t want that to happen! I definitely followed that rule! Lesson: Don’t question Santa’s existence.

Do you remember those doubting Thomas’ at school that didn’t believe in Santa? What’s up with them? What’s not to believe? Follow the rules and reap the benefits. Not too hard.

Remember when you got a little older and learned that it really was just a load of shit? Remember how much it hurt? I felt lied to. It stung. I had put so much faith and effort in believing only to have it all washed away. Sure, I had never really stopped to think about the mere physics of Santa traveling the earth, the existence of flying reindeer or why rich kids got more toys than poor ones. Why question when it’s so much easier just to believe. Believing filled you with this sense of spirit that no science could ever take away.

Enough of the analogy. There is no god. No proof of god’s nonexistence is no reason to throw all of your eggs into religion’s basket. Morality and virtue exist outside of the church. You would know this were it not for your ostrich in the sand approach to logic, reason and probability.

You are a pawn in the greatest sham of all. You take in and spew out stories of man getting nailed to a plus sign, a whale swallowing a sailor gone overboard, pillars of salt, talking serpents and lakes of fire without stopping to question the reality of any of it.

Why did God perform so many miracles and communicate so much with man around the years leading up to 1 C.E. yet has been more or less absent from the scene since? Why did God work through great men like Moses, Jesus, and Abraham then, yet now only has Jerry Falwell, Fred Phelps, and Pat Robertson to relay his messages?

Think it over. There’s not going to be anyone at the Pearly Gates to tell you that this Santa story was also a steaming heap of bullshit served a la religion. Life’s too short to waste it on bedtime fairy tales with wonderful happy endings. Live your happy endings now, and stop using your bullshit as a political power tool to restrict the rights of those of us who think freely.

2 thoughts on “Santa For Big Kids

  1. Why did God perform so many miracles and communicate so much with man around the years leading up to 1 C.E. yet has been more or less absent from the scene since?

    Good freaking point. You would think that he would show himself more often since there are far more doubters than there were before. Also, if God really is lurking in people’s clothes hampers or something, then with all of today’s technology, wouldn’t someone have gotten a picture or some video of him by now? Or at least footage of some kind of “miracle?”

    If I was God, I would be chomping at the bit to get out there on the nightly news to prove my existence.

  2. Or maybe his absence is the ultimate test. Maybe he doesn’t show himself to sort the true believers from the doubters.

    Honestly, if I was god, I would be a little nicer than put unsaved souls’ eternal future in the hands of goofy Christian weirdos like some of the ones we know. I’m thinking of one in particular…

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