Excellent Webcomics From Last Week

This post is made in honor of some troll named John Roe who likes to send emails about bicycles and nuclear weapons. Also, I think he mentioned that his pet goldfish died and he is angry at the world. If you get so bored today and are looking for something to do, email him and tell him just how sorry you are that his pet has left him. His email address is johnroe6551@yahoo.com.

First off, Cyanide and Happiness had two great ones last week. (All of them were great, but they had two great religiously themed comics.) You know what I meant.

Next, Zach Weiner of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, posted another gold comic.

Hate Mail – I think?

I debated on whether or not I should post this email, because I really don’t want to give this person the satisfaction. However, I think it is important to illustrate the twisted mindset of the opposition we face.

Do I have your attention Mr Blogger dude???

Man dude – with all the problems in the world – THIS hate God vengence is your imp crusade in life?? Are you nine years old dude??? Please, God, let this blogger be just a mentally disturbed individual and not a “sane” product of society…

For instance, here is a list of the 12 World Problems…

http://www.mac.edu/faculty/richardpalmer/POSTMODERN/application.html

Pollution – of the air, the water, the soil. – do you really believe too many prayers are causing all the pollution? Do you drive a car or walk? Or do you just stay home all day and blog???

Removing every church, synogue, mosque, big budha statue, sticks and stones on every street corner will not rid the planet of all the nukes, dude! Are you on any strong medication when you post???

Population growth outstripping resources worldwide. I got an idea! Why not next time blog to rid all the Atheists in order to sacrafice our resources! Or, perhaps a little less intrusive to you atheists, let all of you be deported to your own little commune where you do not have to hear the mare mention of God – or Allah – or Jesus – or Big Budda! You can all enjoy your evolution stories together with never having to worry about that knock on the door from a Jehovah again!

Unequal distribution of financial resources – Now aside from the fat rich pope or the Arab Muslims and the wealthy Mega church preachers – most God believing people are not rich in fact most today in other countries are being martyred for their faith (and they dont even blog!) Most of the money sits in the hands of the Democrats who pretend to be for the little guy! I am still waiting to see of Pres Obama truly believes in spreading the wealth but I still have yet to receive a personal check from him in my mail box. (Are you rich, dude??) Maybe you should give to the poor in between posting your hatred of religious folks! You can give on the computer, you know, dude!

aNTISEMITISM (well, I guess you wouldnt be concerned there since they are “religious” at times. I hope you are not a fan of Hitler! He was into evolution and Darwinism too and hated the Jews. Where did you post you are from? New York? I hope all the jews take cover from your posting finger!

And as an American – are you so clueless about the nation’s current woes??? And you blame it on religion? Dude! Are you serious??? I bet you didnt give one dime to Haiti, huh, dude! How could you when you are so busy posting the world is coming to and end over God lovers?! You must feel so imp, dud!! Do you sign internet autographs?? I mean, move over Pres Obama and give this dude his due earings of your peace award!!

Dude!! You really need to get a life and stay out of others’ lives! What a perfect world that would be if everyone followed suit! Such busy bodies in this world when millions are starving and dying of horrible diseases! Why not spend your hours you devote to your useless Blog to visiting the elderly in the old folk’s homes instead? I bet you dont even call your mom and see how she is doing! Shame! Shame! Shame! DUDE!!! Wake up!!! Life is short! (Esp with your impression of no after life!)

Sincerely,
John (johnroe6551@yahoo.com)

PS I bet this all boils down to that bicycle you didnt get on Christmas morning when you were 4 yrs old, right? You know, there are couselors for this dude!!!!

PSSS and dont pls comment back on religious fundamentalism! What a lame comeback that would be dude! Better yet, why dont you go right this minute, buy an airline ticket – (one way only I might add) and go to one of those Arab countries and present your very imp Blog to the leaders over there who hate us Americans! Surely your imp Blog will make all the difference with wanting to blow us up again like on 9/11!!

And do not even bother to send a reply, dude! If I see it come through on my computer I will delete on command!!!

****Dear God – please let this dude forget to save all his work and have a power crash for us internet travelers!! What a total waste of my search engine!****

If you got lost at any point in there, I’m afraid I can’t help you with that. However, the central message(?) seems to be something along the lines of “How can u cumplainz abot religionz wen so much uther bad stuff is goin on?” That’s what I was able to decipher anyway.

I really won’t go on any more about it, but you can see for yourself what this person thinks is a palatable argument. Maybe you could turn this into a mini drinking game. Every time you encounter a logical fallacy, you take a drink. You might have to change the rules around depending on your tolerance for alcohol/your hatred of your liver.

Poll Results: Creepiest Fundie Pastor

With 179 responses, the poll for “Creepiest Fundie Pastor” is now coming to a close. It’s no surprise to me that Fred Phelps got as many votes as he did. If I could go back and redo the poll, I’d have allowed voters to select two that way I could have gotten a good idea of a solid #2. As it stands now, the one with the second highest number of votes is only the creepiest to those who did not find Fred Phelps to be the creepiest.

Here are the results.

• Fred Phelps – 47 votes
• Pat Robertson – 41 votes
• Ted Haggard – 29 votes
• Joel Osteen – 23 votes
• Jimmy Swaggart – 12 votes
• Jerry Falwell (the dead one) – 8 votes
• James Dobson – 7 votes
• Rick Warren – 7 votes
• Other – 5 votes

The truly scary thing is that this list was only a select few of the creepy fundamentalist pastors that exist in our world. No poll could ever encompass all of the creepiness, because a new creepy pastor is likely birthed every day. This is especially true in the Quiverfull community.

Continue to fight the good fight and keep church and state separate in your neighborhood.

Avatar: Demonism, Satanism, Paganism

My friend Megan sent me a video two weeks ago that I have just now got around to watching. It is a preacher by the name of Mark Driscoll of the Mars Hill Church ranting about how Avatar is contrary to the teachings of Christ. Now, I never knew that Avatar was presenting itself as the Christ-alternative, but perhaps I’ve missed that in the advertising. I did finally see the movie without knowing what to expect. Not only were the visual effects stunning, but I was rather pleased at how good of a job the producers did at making me believe that I wasn’t just watching another rendition of Pocahontas or Dances With Wolves.

One thing I did notice was the obvious allusion to a Pagan or Earth-centric (Pandora-centric?) belief system. There was a sense of connectedness with all living things and one’s surroundings. This preacher believes that not only is this movie promoting (that’s debatable) Paganism, it is Satanic and demonic and any good Christian should distance themselves from its poisonous effects.

Pastor Driscoll seems to have forgotten the meaning of the word “fiction.” I bet he creamed his jeans when the Harry Potter and Twilight series came out. After all, those both market themselves as convenient alternatives to Christian belief, don’t they?

Not only do I believe that this man doesn’t actually have a clue what “Pagan,” “demonic,” and “Satanic” mean, I think he thoroughly believes that his sheep will turn into James Cameron’s sheep if they see this movie. He knows that the people to whom he is speaking will swallow ideas like a fish swallows bait, which is fine, as long as it is his ideas that they are swallowing. Where I think he underestimates his huddled masses is in their ability to distinguish fiction from reality, a feat that he obviously struggles with himself.

He believes with all of his heart that mere exposure to something less-than-Christian will lead to a complete internalization of a new worldview. I could understand that if the problem was people being lured into a cult, but the problem – for him – lies in a piece of fictitious cinema. “That any Christian could watch that without seeing the overt demonism is beyond me,” he says. Aside from confusing Paganism with the fictitious demons of his own twisted beliefs, he is suggesting that Christians cannot enjoy a film which presents a different idea of god and society. They must immediately be insulted and enraged that such sacrilegious filth is even allowed in theaters.

Apparently, a film that takes place on a different planet, with a foreign indigenous species, is supposed to follow the same religion that only a fraction of our own planet follows.

“The visuals are amazing because Satan wants you to emotionally connect to the lie.” That quote alone shows that this man cannot be reasoned with in any way. He genuinely believes that Satan is working through the evil producers and directors of Hollywood to bring anti-Christian propaganda to the big screen for the sole purpose of converting all viewers to a sin-laden lifestyle.

I can’t possibly speak any more about this man’s belief that fiction is taken seriously by all that view it. He believes that people will view a fictitious lifestyle and try to reconcile it with their own religious beliefs, instead of doing what normal people do, which is regarding it as a story with moving pictures and lots of bioluminescence.

Of course to solidify that this man is a charlatan and a profiteer, he admits that he has two home theater systems and three Tivos. I’m happy for him and all, but does his congregation not realize who bought him all of that way cool stuff?

Funny or Die: You Decide.

I recently received an email from Jason Sereno promoting his newest video on Funny or Die. He said, “I have a new comedy short on the front page of FunnyorDie.com today titled “Jesus Is Everywhere.” I think the video fits along great with your content. Feel free to post it to your site or anywhere else if you enjoy the clip.” I’m not reposting it because I enjoyed it per se. I’m reposting it, because I want to see what others think about the video.

The video was humorous enough. I especially enjoyed when the guy mouthed “son of a bitch” when Jesus was hitting on his girlfriend. However, the ending ruined it for me. If it is attempting to lampoon the whole footprints motif, it’s not doing it clearly enough. To me, any satirical message is diluted with the hokie pseudo-religious message at the end.

In my email response to him I said, “Thank you for the link. However, I must disagree with you when you say that this video fits along great with my content. The end of your otherwise humorous video ends in a very religious fashion with the all too cliche “footprints” text. Now if you had had the guy punch Jesus out for being a creeper and following him everywhere (not to mention, stealing his girlfriend), that would have fit in a little more closely with the theme of my website.”

What do you think? Funny? or Die?

My Body is (not) a Temple

Comic illustrator Jeffrey Rowland of Overcompensating hit a home-run with his lampooning of vestigial organs and some of the not-so-intelligently designed parts of the human body. This comic is aptly titled “A Temple Constantly in Need of Repair.” Make sure to drop by his site and subscribe to his updates in your favorite feed reader.

Pastor Wiley Drake A Modern Sorcerer?

Pastor Wiley Drake is fairly new to my radar. I remember him being mentioned after the murder of George Tiller, but I never really did much research on him. This man is just as certifiably nuts as any of the other more “popular” biblical literalists. He and his “prayer warriors” use imprecatory prayers to wish harm onto those who invoke his ire. This is nothing more than a modern attempt to curse people. Yes, you read correctly – curse. The Wikipedia entry for “imprecatory prayer” even redirects to the page for “curse.” The same thing that Lord Voldemort does to those unfortunate enough to cross his path in the Harry Potter series is being done by an American pastor and former leader of the Southern Baptist Convention.

His latest shtick revolves around wishing death upon U.S. politicians, including the late Rep. John Murtha and Pres. Obama, for… you know… not doing what he would like them to do. While most of us would take the logical route and join a letter writing campaign, support the opposition in an upcoming election, or lobby our elected officials directly, Pastor Drake takes the traditional Christian easy way out and simply prays — for swift death. Lucky for anyone on his shit list, prayer is pointless, and thus, causes no harm. It should serve to illustrate how bat shit insane the man is though.

Listen to the audio below of Pastor Drake speaking as a guest on Alan Colmes’ radio show. (Video from CrooksandLiars.com)

IM Conversation from Long Ago

This may not make that much sense, as this conversation most likely transpired at odd hours of the morning, however, I hope it correctly illustrates the ridiculosity of the nomenclature people insist on using for their time-honored traditions.

Megan: may the lord be with you
Me: wait, do i want the lord or his son
Me: if jesus is the king of kings, does that makes god the king of the king of kings
Megan: or just the father of king of kings
Megan: maybe mary had the royal blood
Megan: maybe she is the queen of king of kings

On a separate note: I have completed my move. The positives include: not living out of boxes and enjoying less stress in my life. The negatives include: I’m still in the Bible Belt so I probably won’t be enjoying less stress in my life.