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Sarah Palin is Too Good to Pray With You

sarah_palinI didn’t think it was possible after this past election cycle, but Sarah Palin has continued to make herself look even dumber in the months following the McCain/Palin defeat.

This time she reached new lows by expressing her elitism regarding prayer. She apparently found herself in a situation where she looked around at a bunch of campaign staffers, judged them, and decided that they weren’t fit to pray with her. What a psycho.

Here’s the blurb:

“So I’m looking around for somebody to pray with, I just need maybe a little help, maybe a little extra,” she said of the moments before the debate. “And the McCain campaign, love ’em, you know, they’re a lot of people around me, but nobody I could find that I wanted to hold hands with and pray.”

To which the room full of Alaska Republicans guffawed heartily. Oh but at least she went on to specify that she didn’t mean any disrespect. Yeah no disrespect, except I have looked at you and sized you up to be inadequate to aid me in my spiritual needs.

It’s no surprise that some of the former McCain staffers are pissed at the comments. I would be too, if I actually gave a crap about that kind of thing. I just think it goes to show how delusional so many people were to vote for her to be one heartbeat away from the red button.

Experience the Magic of the Prayer Cross

prayercrosscartform2Looking for the gaudiest religious accessory ever? Well look no further, because you have found the Prayer Cross! A one-of-a-kind spiritual accessory that not only contains a prayer that most people have had memorized since childhood, but looks like shit too!

“Watch as people gaze in amazement as they experience the prayer cross for the first time.” Umm. No.

“When held up to the light the Lord’s Prayer because instantly and almost miraculously visible.” No. It doesn’t. It’s simple optics. No miracles of any kind.

It’s especially humorous that it comes with a “Certificate of Authenticity”. So many things come with those today, as if someone will ever say to you, “Hey! I have my doubts as to whether that terrible piece of $40 jewelry is authentic or not. Got any documentation?” Of course, the thing that really needs a certificate of authenticity is God himself. Don’t see one anywhere for him…

Kind of reminiscent of this parody infomercial.

Glenn Beck is a Douche

First, let me state that Glenn Beck is a worthless blowhard that does not belong on any network. He makes flimsy arguments, and in true one-sided pundit fashion, he only ever has guests on to support his worldview to his sheep-like audience. On the off occasion that someone of a differing opinion joins him on screen, he treats them just like his network’s papa bear, Bill O’Reilly, and never lets them get a sentence out edgewise amid all of the interruptions, sour looks, and instant, fallacious refutations.

Glenn Beck is to logical discourse what the bubonic plague was to medieval longevity. He wouldn’t recognize a concrete argument if it sat on his face. I get douche chills in my spine just watching this short segment.

As with many examples of fundamentalist ideology that I present, this one is also replete with more flaws and fallacies than can reasonably be addressed given my limited time resources and the internet’s limited bandwidth resources. But as always, I’ll touch on a few of the more glaring cases.

“90% of us believe in God yet we seem to be pushed around by 10%”

This type of ignorance can only come from being deeply ethnocentric, as a fair amount of religious folks tend to be. When exactly have Christians been pushed around? It seems to me that when you send your children to a public, government-funded school, it doesn’t really matter what your opinion is on any matter, because in the end, the government will dictate the agenda for said school. Don’t like it? Send your kids to private school. Then they can pray all day long, have Bible study, do stations of the cross, play wholesome Christian sports, and learn to be a bigot in entirely new and creative ways.

“blah blah some people want to remove God from this country altogether. Right here. This nation under God.”

We have only officially been a “nation under God” since 1954, when that phrase was legislated into existence after pressuring from religious groups. To quote the Rev. George Macpherson Docherty:

“These words [‘under God’] will remind Americans that despite our great physical strength we must remain humble. They will help us to keep constantly in our minds and hearts the spiritual and moral principles which alone give dignity to man, and upon which our way of life is founded.”

Riiiight. Or they will be used by religious fanatics to insist that this country has been officially blessed by an all-knowing God, thus making us his second group of chosen people.

“You can’t even use the word ‘prayer’ in school.”

Wrong. You are wrong. The decision of the judge in Illinois did not ban prayer from schools, or ban the use of the word ‘prayer’ in schools. Children can do whatever they like during moments of silence. If they want to pray, that should be something that they would have wanted to do with that time anyway. They should not need to be instructed on the various ways in which 30 seconds can be used. Leave them to their imaginations. I’m sure toddlers can figure it out on their own. If their depth of faith is so great that they want to submerge themselves in prayer, they will do so. If they want to color, they will do so.

“Are the children of atheists so fragile that the idea of prayer could actually warp their minds?”

No they are not. Children of atheists, for the most part, already have a good foundation in logic and critical thinking. However, all children are extremely impressionable, and were it not for their parents dictating to them what they must believe to go to Heaven after death (another concept they probably haven’t even fully come to terms with) they wouldn’t even espouse such beliefs.

That’s it. I’m spent. I’m only 1:17 into this video, and I can’t suffer any more. What is your favorite piece of ‘wisdom’ from Glenn or Jimmy Dobs in this video?

Who needs doctors?

Sick children are no laughing matter. I really feel for the child, who can’t experience many elements of a healthy childhood, and the parents, whose lives are consumed with worry and financial burden. And while I personally believe that the United States’ healthcare system has its shortcomings, I do believe that we have some of the best doctors, nurses, and caregivers in the world. I believe they do a great job based on their training and experience.

However, there are those out there that do not believe so. These professionals are missing something.


I came across a support group on Facebook for a sick child that urged others to “please keep this beautiful prayer in mind”.

Lord Jesus Christ, Good Shepherd of the sheep, you gather the lambs in your arms and carry them in your bosom: We commend to your loving care this child. Relieve her pain, guard her from all danger, restore to her your gifts of gladness and strength, and raise this child up to a life of service to you. Hear us, we pray, for you dear Name’s sake. Amen.

I don’t think that prayer is beautiful. I think it is ridiculous. I mean, strictly speaking, I think all prayer is ridiculous, but this one is absolutely absurd. It contains every cliche prayer word and phrase imaginable: “lambs”, “commend”, “raise up”. I mean what does “gather the lambs in your arms and carry them in your bosom” even mean? Does it mean “embrace the children with your love”? Then why not say that? Just because the Bible is written in stuffy, archaic language doesn’t mean you have to carefully construct your prayers to match in style.

“We commend to your loving care this child. Relieve her pain, guard her from all danger, restore to her your gifts of gladness and strength, and raise this child up to a life of service to you.” Why are you in a hospital? Do you not trust God to relieve the pain, guard from danger, and restore strength? Is it just possible that your words to God fall upon deaf (read: nonexistant) ears and the real miracles are being performed by trained medical professionals?

Stop praying for sick people. Studies show that it doesn’t help. In fact, it can even hurt.