odd scripture

Shady Land Deal in the Bible

I came across an interesting Bible passage today. Matthew 13:44 states, “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto treasure hid in a field; the whech when a man hath found, he hideth, and for joy thereof goeth and selleth all that he hath, and buyeth that field.”

This, to me, seems to be very un-Christian behavior. Finding treasure on someone else’s land, concealing it, withholding knowledge of such from the rightful owner, and then buying the property to gain ownership. This reeks of dirty dealing, secrecy, and back stabbing; things I was always led to believe were not becoming of good Christians. Moreover, the man that said the above quote is Jesus himself. So God (via his son) condones this sort of behavior.

Say the above happened, and this asshole bought the land with the treasure. I would like to know if any kind of mineral rights existed in ancient Palestine. Would simply purchasing the parcel of land entitle one to any treasures that were contained below the surface? If petroleum, gold, silver, uranium, etc. are to be considered precious commodities, then certainly a treasure comparable to heaven would be included in such rights.

Yes, I know that is an absurd comparison, but, to me, it illustrates that people, including Jesus Christ himself, will say anything to make the prospect of an afterlife as appealing as possible. By appealing to mankind’s lust for treasure and conquest, Jesus lays out a situation in which an underhanded transaction takes place with clearly concealed ulterior motives with the goal of enjoying a treasure while excluding others from said enjoyment. If this passage is to mean anything else, then it could have been written so many different ways.

Of course, no matter how much Jesus was trying to wow his starry-eyed observers, he certainly resorted to an appeal to force mere passages later with, “So shall it be at the end of the world: the angels shall come forth, and sever the wicked from among the just, and shall cast them into the furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.” (Matthew 13:49-50)

When push comes to shove, if the promise of treasure can’t convince someone to do something, threatening to burn them eternally should prove a useful tool of persuasion.

Malachi 2:3

From the most high and mighty prince James, by the grace of God, King of Great Britain, France, and Ireland, Defender of the Faith:

Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces… – Malachi 2:3

Old Testament God was not only a dick, but a sick fuck.

To put it in a bit more of its context, God was commanding punishment upon the priests for not teaching the word and for being bad business associates with one another.

Still a bit harsh and more something one would expect out of some sick schieße video.

God Hates Cuba… Apparently

Facebook.com, if you are unfamiliar, is a social networking tool that allows members to join groups with other members that share a common bond. Groups range from political, athletic, and religious groups to include humorous, offbeat, and nonsensical groups.

I try not to make this a political blog aside from matters that deal specifically with the separation of church and state and any legislation that may affect atheists and non-believers. I will apologize upfront if you are put off by any political remarks, but I find this to tie in very much to my general loathing of the Jesus Fan Club.

While browsing the volumes of worth on Facebook, I came across the group titled “I HATE FIDEL CASTRO.” I clicked through because the topic interested me on a political level, though I found the content to be far from political.


The group’s description boasts:

New report states that Castro’s stiches from stomach surgery have not healed properly, and he has had to seek medical attention for them. That is good news and that shows how awesome GOD is, while he is a forgiving and loving GOD, but he is also a just GOD

In believing that God is just, you imply that God is sympathetic to the American people and their system of government. This is a pristine example of the rampant ethnocentrism that so many theists display (particularly in the southern U.S.). Honorable as you may think you are being in your declaration, displaying enthusiasm for another’s pain and suffering is not what I have ever seen defined as “Christ-like”.

Let’s hope so? Pardon me for doubting the intelligence of someone who dubs himself an “anti-castro redneck”. Were this group created by a Cuban who had qualms with the current state of Cuba, I could understand the dissent, however this group is simply a response to one anti-castro redneck’s distaste for communism (i.e. not right-wing conservatism.)

I suppose “love thy neighbor”, like so many other Bible lessons, is a conditional sentiment.

Thou Shalt Not Kill… Unless

Merriam-Webster provides the following two definitions for “evangelism”:
1. The winning or revival of personal commitments to Christ
2. Militant or crusading zeal
While I’ve got my nose in the dictionary, “zeal” is defined as “eagerness and ardent interest in pursuit of something.”

Keep those definitions in mind as you ponder the following nugget. Left Behind Games, yes, brought to you by the same folks responsible for the Left Behind book series, created a game, Left Behind: Eternal Forces, in which characters battle infidels in their pursuit of the Antichrist.

George Carlin once commented on the sixth commandment stating that Christians have never really had a problem killing. It just depends on who’s doing the killing and who’s getting killed. This game proves that point irrevocably.

Eternal Forces sets evangelical warriors against the forces of the Antichrist. Think of it as Gideon Theft Auto. As a member of the Tribulation Force Jesus faction, you patrol the streets and kill baddies. Here’s what baked my ziti: if you “excessively kill”, you can redeem yourself through prayer. Ain’t that nifty?

I’m no censor. I love the Grand Theft Auto series, and I believe the key to enjoying these video games is to have a firm grip on what is real and what is fiction. For younger gamers, I believe it is the job of a good parent to instill within their children the differences between the two. I personally don’t see that to be a monumental task. “Junior, the things this video game shows are just for play. Don’t do them at the Y or baseball practice.”

The danger with this game, is that it takes an already hostile view of non-Christians that exists in many Christian households and amplifies non-religious sympathies through the righteous killing of those that stand in the way of God’s message of love.

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City: You are a mafia go-to boy that seeks to protect himself after a botched drug deal. Daily activities include coercing jury members, selling drugs, eliminating adversaries, and visiting the occasional prostitute. I like the game because of the non-linear gameplay, exciting missions, and catchy 80’s music. For me, all genius aside, it is easy to differentiate this game from my daily goings-on because it is completely unlike my life. I don’t deal drugs, I don’t kill mob bosses, and I don’t utilize prostitutes.

Left Behind: Eternal Forces: You are a modern day crusader who was not raptured. You rally with fellow Christians to battle the evil followers of the Antichrist. Kill too much? Drop a prayer and all is forgiven. Though this game presents its own unrealistic setting, it embodies an ideal that many around the globe hold very dear: Jesus is my homeboy and if you’re not with him, you’re against him. Still a video game, but could you see how the scenarios in this game might be a little more easily internalized?

Edit: Thanks to @RevJayDub for the corrected video link!