Who needs doctors?

Sick children are no laughing matter. I really feel for the child, who can’t experience many elements of a healthy childhood, and the parents, whose lives are consumed with worry and financial burden. And while I personally believe that the United States’ healthcare system has its shortcomings, I do believe that we have some of the best doctors, nurses, and caregivers in the world. I believe they do a great job based on their training and experience.

However, there are those out there that do not believe so. These professionals are missing something.

Prayer.

I came across a support group on Facebook for a sick child that urged others to “please keep this beautiful prayer in mind”.

Lord Jesus Christ, Good Shepherd of the sheep, you gather the lambs in your arms and carry them in your bosom: We commend to your loving care this child. Relieve her pain, guard her from all danger, restore to her your gifts of gladness and strength, and raise this child up to a life of service to you. Hear us, we pray, for you dear Name’s sake. Amen.

I don’t think that prayer is beautiful. I think it is ridiculous. I mean, strictly speaking, I think all prayer is ridiculous, but this one is absolutely absurd. It contains every cliche prayer word and phrase imaginable: “lambs”, “commend”, “raise up”. I mean what does “gather the lambs in your arms and carry them in your bosom” even mean? Does it mean “embrace the children with your love”? Then why not say that? Just because the Bible is written in stuffy, archaic language doesn’t mean you have to carefully construct your prayers to match in style.

“We commend to your loving care this child. Relieve her pain, guard her from all danger, restore to her your gifts of gladness and strength, and raise this child up to a life of service to you.” Why are you in a hospital? Do you not trust God to relieve the pain, guard from danger, and restore strength? Is it just possible that your words to God fall upon deaf (read: nonexistant) ears and the real miracles are being performed by trained medical professionals?

Stop praying for sick people. Studies show that it doesn’t help. In fact, it can even hurt.

Prayer… WTF?

Random Christian prays for X.
X happens.
Answered prayer!

Same Christian prays for Y.
Y does not happen.
Y was not in God’s plan.

I guess I am just gifted with too much logic, but how does that not reveal to the entire praying population that what they are doing is pointless? Some would argue that it’s the good feelings that you have that can make a difference for yourself. That’s fine. Think good thoughts. Don’t try to say those thoughts aloud to a classroom though.

Time and time again, prayer has been clinically shown to have no connection to the recovery process. What was the response I read to this? “God stepped in on this one. He won’t stand by while you tear him down ‘fact by fact’.”

Christians are so absorbed in their mythology that they will do or say absolutely anything to remain in their comfortable bubble. Try speaking your mind to a state full of these mindless folks. It’s not easy.

One of my friends knows that I am an atheist. She knows a child that is very ill. Instead of asking me to pray for him, she said, “Please keep him in your thoughts.” I respect not only her acceptance of my beliefs, but the profound amount of logic that this course of action displays over prayer. Keeping someone “in my thoughts” will not beam magic healing beams to them, but it will serve as a way for me to keep those less fortunate in the forefront of my mind. It will keep me in closer touch with his condition, and ultimately have much more beneficial results than looking upward with hands clasped and jibbering to the sky.

Why do people even bother to pray before meals anymore? It’s a waste of time. Whenever I find myself eating out with a group of Christians, I find myself waiting for every last one of them to be seated and words to be jibbered before I can tie into my food. Of course, I could just start eating, but I wish to respect their practice, pointless as it is, just as some few respect mine. It’s not even like these prayers contain anything of substance either. Every blessing is the exact same.

“Dear Lord. Thank you for this meal. Please bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies so that we may live through you. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.”

Give or take a few words, that is every single meal blessing you will likely ever hear. You think they could just print it on an index card, lay it on the table, and accept the minutes as read in true Robert’s Rules fashion. It would be a lot quicker and would display the same amount of creativity with each new prayer.

I think I remember praying a couple times when I was young. I even remember that time when I desperately sought Jesus Christ in my early-mid teens. None of those prayers was even remotely answered. If they had been, I wouldn’t be on this blog right now exposing the ludicrousness of the Christian faith.

I came to the conclusion that others are either to scared or stupid to take. I realized that I was pursuing the ultimate tooth fairy and that if anyone was going to lead my life in a positive direction, it would be me. Sure enough, trials and tribulations abound, I have pressed on to become a much more focused and goal-oriented person than I was last year. While my Christian counterparts might say “God was there with me through the hard times” or “I owe my successes to Him”, I say “While I didn’t do it on my own, I sure as hell didn’t enlist the help of the boogeyman.”