Rapture Nonsense from Jack Van Impe

“Think of the passengers of airplanes with Christian crews”? What sick, demented god would wreak such havoc on his creation?

As Alexander the Pretty Good said over at Holy Freak, “Christians and atheists have the same goal. And we should both be working together to achieve that goal. Both atheists and Christians want all Christians to vanish off the face of the earth.”

On a more casual note, I have a hard time taking serious religious advice from a woman named Rexella. Sounds more like the name of a kinky dominatrix.

Some Scripture Each Day Sends Satan Away!

I love daily desk calendars. You know, the ones where you tear a page off each day to reveal a new picture, cartoon, quote, etc. Next to my bed, I have The Far Side. At work, I have Dilbert. Now I have Bible Verses. Each day, I will now tear off a page to reveal a new combination of words, innocuous by themselves, but when arranged as scripture form a dangerous mind control spell that even Lord Voldemort couldn’t muster.

The back of the box quotes the apostle Paul in his letters to St. Timothy: “All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” - 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Of course, the undertone of that last part really says, “man without scripture cannot do good works.” I also won’t point out any of the many very shitty things that have been done with their basis in scripture.

I would also like to point out that the Bible Verses are all from the NIV Bible. And I quoth, “Verses in this calendar are taken form the NIV Bible–the most widely accepted contemporary Bible translation available. More than one hundred scholars from six countries, representing no less than 2- denominations, worked on the English translation alone. The NIV Bible has been translated into more than 60 languages, reaching some 600 million people worldwide.” Basically, the version of the Bible these verses represent have been translated even more than some other versions. Also, it’s been further translated and interpreted for 60 other languages. I know these folks aren’t translating the Bible with Google Language Tools, but you’re an idiot if you don’t think that the Bible hasn’t lost some of its original meaning having changed hands so many times.

At last, I leave you with a random date’s verse, being that half the year has already passed.

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal. - Isiah 26:3-4

When I think of the Rock, I think music, Chevrolet, wrestling and Alacatraz, but the LORD is not on that list.

Subservience of Women

What better move to make when writing the bible than to include a post to keep women in submission for all of time than to include the obligatory “men are better than women” verse.

The first epistle to Timothy brings us this travesty.

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; but (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

1 Tim 2:9-15, KJV

I’m sorry. FUCK THAT. While I agree that some girls dress like complete sluts, I don’t think that less-than-modest clothing is a sign of a lack of self respect. I also don’t think that everything from the 2nd century C.E. still applies today. Want to be subservient to your husband? Want to follow his every wish? MOVE TO IRAQ! You can be fully pious in your desires there in your burqa. Oh don’t worry about messing up and accidentally dressing like a whore. You only get one shot over there.