Intelligent Debate on Intelligent Design

September 17, 2008 on 10:12 pm | 1 Comment

I was searching for something in my email archives, and I came across this fictional, though hilariously illustrative, dialogue between a scientist and an advocate for Intelligent Design©. The email was dated October 2005, so I figured it merited being dredged up from the internet meme catacombs and (re)introduced to you all.

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Moderator: We’re here today to debate the hot new topic, evolution versus Intelligent Des—

(Scientist pulls out baseball bat.)

Moderator: Hey, what are you doing?

(Scientist breaks Intelligent Design advocate’s kneecap.)

Intelligent Design advocate: YEAAARRRRGGGHHHH! YOU BROKE MY KNEECAP!

Scientist: Perhaps it only appears that I broke your kneecap. Certainly, all the evidence points to the  hypothesis I broke your kneecap. For example, your kneecap is broken; it appears to be a fresh wound; and I am holding a baseball bat, which is spattered with your blood. However, a mere preponderance of evidence doesn’t mean anything. Perhaps your kneecap was designed that way. Certainly, there are some features of the current situation that are inexplicable according to the “naturalistic” explanation you have just advanced, such as the exact contours of the excruciating pain that you are experiencing right now.

Intelligent Design advocate: AAAAH! THE PAIN!

Scientist: Frankly, I personally find it completely implausible that the random actions of a scientist such as myself could cause pain of this particular kind. I have no precise explanation for why I find this hypothesis implausible — it just is. Your knee must have been designed that way!

Intelligent Design advocate: YOU BASTARD! YOU KNOW YOU DID IT!

Scientist: I surely do not. How can we know anything for certain? Frankly, I think we should expose people to all points of view. Furthermore, you should really re-examine whether your hypothesis is scientific at all: the breaking of your kneecap happened in the past, so we can’t rewind and run it over again, like a laboratory experiment. Even if we could, it wouldn’t prove that I broke your kneecap the previous time. Plus, let’s not even get into the fact that the entire universe might have just popped into existence right before I said this sentence, with all the evidence of my alleged kneecap-breaking already pre-formed.

Intelligent Design advocate: That’s a load of bullshit sophistry! Get me a doctor and a lawyer, not necessarily in that order, and we’ll see how that plays in court!

Scientist (turning to audience): And so we see, ladies and gentlemen, when push comes to shove, advocates of Intelligent Design do not actually believe any of the arguments that they profess to believe. When it comes to matters that hit home, they prefer evidence, the scientific method, testable hypotheses, and naturalistic explanations. In fact, they strongly privilege naturalistic explanations over supernatural hocus-pocus or metaphysical wankery. It is only within the reality-distortion field of their ideological crusade that they give credence to the flimsy, ridiculous arguments which we so commonly see on display. I must confess, it kind of felt good, for once, to be the one spouting free-form bullshit; it’s so terribly easy and relaxing, compared to marshaling rigorous arguments backed up by empirical evidence. But I fear that if I were to continue, then it would be habit-forming, and bad for my soul. Therefore, I bid you adieu.

Lineage Inconsistencies

December 11, 2006 on 7:25 pm | 1 Comment

Genesis 2:7 And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.

God brought all of the animals to Adam and he named them and such. I suppose God sorted all of the animals out so as to differentiate between the similar species such as Lampropeltis getula getula and Lampropeltis getula goini.

Genesis 2:21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was asleep, he took part of the man’s side and closed up the place with flesh. 2:22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the part he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

That’s who we know as Eve.

Adam and Eve had two sons:Cain, and Abel.

Cain killed Abel. God then spoke to Cain and made him feel bad for what he had done. Cain then said something that would make people question the bible years later. God punished him by giving him a lifelong timeout.

Genesis 4:14 Behold, thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the earth; and from thy face shall I be hid; and I shall be a fugitive and a vagabond in the earth; and it shall come to pass, that every one that findeth me shall slay me. 4:15 And the LORD said unto him, Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold. And the LORD set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him.

Who are these people that would be killing Cain? Who is God protecting Cain from? Who would God wreak vengeance upon sevenfold? There are only two other human beings on the earth at this time, his mother and father. True Adam and Eve had another son to replace the one Cain whacked.

Genesis 4:25 And Adam knew his wife again; and she bare a son, and called his name Seth: For God, said she, hath appointed me another seed instead of Abel, whom Cain slew.

Were there other people on the earth? If so, where the hell did they come from? Why are they not mentioned. Seeing as the first “few days” are chronicled pretty well, I’d think these important others would be mentioned, if not by name, at least in recognition of their existence.

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So, I think most logical people can agree that Genesis is a fairy tale full of holes. To believe in it requires a LOT of faith. Putting that much stock in the unprovable and unverifiable, to me, is akin to claiming steadfastly that there is a leprechaun that puts gold nuggets on your kitchen table while you sleep, but removes them right before you wake.

One could point to the fact that God created the two great lights, the sun and moon, and the stars, when in fact, the sun is a star, and the moon simply reflects the light of the sun. They didn’t have science when they wrote the bible, so I wouldn’t expect there to be much truth.

Do I know where the universe came from? More to the point, does knowing that help me lead my life so that I can achieve my goals? No. However, as science and technology continue to make the impossible possible, religion will be filled with the holes that science was once filled with. The mysteries of lightning, the changing of the seasons, eclipses, volcanic eruptions, electricity, and DNA will one day be the mysteries of a boat that held all the animals of the world, a man receiving rules on a mountain (all by himself), and a “virgin birth”.

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