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Nigerian Scam With a Religious Message

Throughout my years of internet usage, I have seen many scam emails. Most take the form of a foreign lottery jackpot or the estate of some distant dearly departed relative. This is the first time in more than 12 years of internet usage that I have come across one with an entirely religious slant. I think it’s funny that the overseas jackoffs that are running these scams can so easily (and quite accurately) recreate the verbiage that so many religious folks use.

Enjoy!

Dearly Beloved.

Calvary greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, I am Mrs. Victoria Balli, I am a nationality of the United Kingdom, and I am presently hospitalized, due to my illness. I am 59 years old and I was diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer for about two years. I am a widow to Late Mr. William Balli. You see, my husband was once the Managing Director of Shell Oil Company in South Africa, where we spent most of our lives and I have served the Lord all through my life.

From all indications, my condition is serious and is quite obvious that I may not live more than six months, because the cancer stage has gotten to a very severe state and my doctor has told me this. The one that disturbs me most is the stroke that paralyzed half of my body before my late husband was killed during his reign as the Managing Director of Shell Oil Company.

My late husband was wealthy and after his death, I inherited all His business and wealth. Presently my doctor told me that I may not live for more than six months, though I am not scared about this, I am not afraid of death, hence I will be in the bosom of the Lord forever, any time my God calls me home. So, I now decided to look for an organization or an individual who is God fearing, that will use the funds for charity organization, by contributing to the development of evangelism in the world, assisting motherless babies homes and poor churches all over the world.
I selected you after searching the Internet for this purpose and prayed over it, for the fact that I always go to God in prayers in situation like this, because He is the Alfa and Omega. I am willing to donate half of my husbands wealth to you for the development of evangelism and also as aids for the less privileged around you rather than allow my husbands relatives to use my husband hard earned funds ungodly. You may contact my lawyer, James Cole, with the specified address-:

CHAMBERS OF James Cole
Barrister James Cole
9 Bedford Row London WC1R 4AZ
E-Mail: james_cole_lawfirm@mail2ohio.com
Phone: +44-702-404-1690

Ensure that you copy this correspondence to his email address above and tell him that I have asked you to reach him. Please, do not reply if you have the intention of using this fund for personal use, you will have a reasonable percentage of the total funds before investing the remainder of the funds for God`s works. Lastly, I want you and your church to keep praying for me regarding my health, because I have come to find out that wealth acquisition without Jesus Christ in one’s life, is vanity upon vanity. If you have to die says the Lord, keep fit and I will give you the crown of life. May the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the sweet fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you now and forever more, amen.

GET BACK TO ME WITH MY PRIVATE EMAIL: mrsvictoriaballiv@gmail.com

Goodluck in all your future endeavors and God bless you.

Thanks,

Mrs. Victoria Balli.

Excellent Webcomics From Last Week

This post is made in honor of some troll named John Roe who likes to send emails about bicycles and nuclear weapons. Also, I think he mentioned that his pet goldfish died and he is angry at the world. If you get so bored today and are looking for something to do, email him and tell him just how sorry you are that his pet has left him. His email address is johnroe6551@yahoo.com.

First off, Cyanide and Happiness had two great ones last week. (All of them were great, but they had two great religiously themed comics.) You know what I meant.

Next, Zach Weiner of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, posted another gold comic.

Funny or Die: You Decide.

I recently received an email from Jason Sereno promoting his newest video on Funny or Die. He said, “I have a new comedy short on the front page of FunnyorDie.com today titled “Jesus Is Everywhere.” I think the video fits along great with your content. Feel free to post it to your site or anywhere else if you enjoy the clip.” I’m not reposting it because I enjoyed it per se. I’m reposting it, because I want to see what others think about the video.

The video was humorous enough. I especially enjoyed when the guy mouthed “son of a bitch” when Jesus was hitting on his girlfriend. However, the ending ruined it for me. If it is attempting to lampoon the whole footprints motif, it’s not doing it clearly enough. To me, any satirical message is diluted with the hokie pseudo-religious message at the end.

In my email response to him I said, “Thank you for the link. However, I must disagree with you when you say that this video fits along great with my content. The end of your otherwise humorous video ends in a very religious fashion with the all too cliche “footprints” text. Now if you had had the guy punch Jesus out for being a creeper and following him everywhere (not to mention, stealing his girlfriend), that would have fit in a little more closely with the theme of my website.”

What do you think? Funny? or Die?