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Happy Easter (Zombie Jesus Day)!

I hope everyone had a fantastic Easter. I know most people on this site will not have celebrated Easter like the majority of people that I saw and heard from today. Some people reading this may be offended to even hear me say Happy Easter. To those people, I can only stress that you must take deep breaths and not get so worked up about verbal expressions.

I celebrate Easter much like I celebrate Christmas: as a time to be with family and eat larger-than-average amounts of food. To me, there’s no shame whatsoever in calling the holiday “Easter”, since it has little to nothing to do with Christianity in its origins. Christians are the ones who look like assholes celebrating the day with chocolate bunnies and plastic eggs. After all, aren’t they supposed to be celebrating the resurrection of the man that made the ultimate sacrifice for them? Seems like Pagan fertility icons wouldn’t fit in very well with the whole “dying for your sins” nonsense.

Online PhD has information on degree programs for people who are looking to further their knowledge about topics like religion and philosophy. Of course it’s well documented that atheism is more prominent with people holding advanced degrees. Make up your own mind. 🙂

Either way, I hope everyone had an enjoyable day. If you speak to any Christians tomorrow, ask them how they reconcile the Pagan origins of the celebration with their intended meaning. Maybe it’ll make them think twice in December before they launch another War on Christmas campaign for their evergreen trees and twinkle lights on Jesus’ birthday.

FarmVille Hates Baby Jesus!

farmvilleFor those of you who are not familiar with FarmVille, it is a game on the social networking site Facebook. For those of you who are not familiar with Facebook, I’m not sure this whole internet thing is for you. Anyway, FarmVille allows users to create virtual farms with crops, animals, trees, and buildings. One of the ways the developers keep the game fresh is to introduce seasonal items for users to purchase with in-game currency. In the past, these have included Halloween decorations and Thanksgiving-themed animals and decorations. It would stand to reason then, that the Christmas holiday would also have a prominent theme.

The application has drawn some criticism in the past from users in countries other than the United States because their local cultures did not celebrate Halloween or Thanksgiving. Now, the complaints are coming from Christians who feel like FarmVille is desecrating their sacred commercial holiday by allowing users to place presents under a “holiday tree” in the game.

  1. The developers of FarmVille can do whatever they want. Just because it’s known as a Christmas tree to you and millions of others does not mean that they can’t call it a “holiday tree.” If you don’t like it, unadd their application. It’s just a pointless time waster anyway.
  2. I personally think changing “Christmas” to “Holiday” is stupid. I celebrate Christmas as a time to be with family and enjoy gift exchange. The origin is not relevant to my celebration or my choice of nomenclature.
  3. Speaking of origins, many Christians fail to pause and consider how exactly it is that an evergreen tree and a fat elf dressed in red came to be a part of the baby Jesus story. These traditions have Pagan roots and are a result of Christian efforts to assimilate Pagans into Christianity.
  4. Why do Christians get so bent out of shape because someone chooses to secularize a portion of this tradition? I don’t think baby Jesus would have thought much of the mad rushes on Black Friday, gluttony, and egg nog. Christmas is, and for a long time has been, a secular holiday. There are just those that still preserve some religious aspects of it.
  5. Shut up! You are not being persecuted!

My friend Megan, who apparently enjoys headaches, emailed one of the upset FarmVille users to call him out on his stupidity. Expecting nothing less, I was not at all shocked to read his reply to Megan, which was also incoherent, poorly worded, and off-topic. He accused her of bigotry and hatemongering, all the while spewing an equal amount of vitriol at non-believers. Megan wrote him back proving that she has more patience than I. Here is his first reply to Megan, supposedly addressing how the Christmas tree is in fact a Christian symbol.

There is no other source of origin of the traditional Christmas tree other than Christian culture, in fact the entire ‘holiday season” is based on our Christian heritage.

Perhaps if you would like to create another holiday season, choose another shrub and decorate it with non- tradtional Christian decorations, such as free condoms, free needles, government vouchers for things like government housing, government cheese etc.

Or just don’t bother having a holiday season at all, after all, there is no logical reason to have one if you aren’t a Christian. It’s a shame that this country’s Christian culture is being destroyed in the name of “respect for other cultures”, which is nothing but a bloody lie. After all, to respect other cultures would mean respecting our own Christian culture- which is the foundation of this nation- as well.

There is no “War on Christmas.” However, there does seem to be a war being waged by Christians called the “War on Everything that Doesn’t Align With My Worldview.” This is a free market economy (for the most part). If some retailer says “Holiday Sale” instead of “Christmas Sale” and it makes you angry – Don’t Fucking Shop There! If a radio station only plays Santa-themed Christmas songs and no Jesus-themed Christmas songs – Don’t Fucking Listen to Them! And for crying out loud, if some dumb Facebook game calls their seasonal fir something different than you would like – Don’t Fucking Play It!

Christians need to stop trying to get everyone to bend to their will. If these companies really want their business badly enough, they’ll change their ways. Otherwise, Christians need to realize that perhaps they need to choose their battles a little more wisely.

So go spray fake snow on your windows, string up thousands of lights on your house, put large curved and extruded peppermints on your lawn, drink egg nog until you barf, and listen to Bing Crosby sing “Home for the Holidays” and reflect on how all of that fits into baby Jesus’ grand scheme.

Warning: This post contained strong language.

God’s Steadfast and Ever-Changing Word: A Look at Biblical Contradictions

Before I say anything else, let’s start off with a short game about Biblical contradictions.

That short game says what I never could put into words.

Even if you don’t view the Bible as an instrument of God’s breath and soul, you can still view it as a historical document. It does, after all, have a lot to say about the people of the time. About how scared, easily influenced, brutal, vengeful and ignorant they were. Though I think a healthy dose of science would have prevented much of the Bible from ever being written, the fact that it remains today gives us something to look, and sometimes laugh at.

The Bible was not written by God. This is obvious. Even though God has a hand, he apparently does not have a pen. Therefore, he had to settle for the next best thing; channeling the message through his flawed creation. So man sat down to put to paper all of the things that God Almighty was “saying” to them.

I constantly hear people say that it is impossible to understand God’s plan. I suppose that did not apply to the lucky few whose names are in the table o’ contents of Ye Goode Booke. They were all able to flawlessly comprehend and scribe The Truth©. Of course, even if they were able to interpret the Lord 100% accurately, there are still numerous factors to consider: the omission of certain gospels by ecumenical councils, the various and subsequent translations from Hebrew, Aramaic and Latin into the languages of today not to mention the unknown mental stability of the authors themselves.

Having been to the land of Israel and having seen many of the sites where Biblical events took place, I have no doubt that there is historical accuracy in parts of the Bible. But when you play 70 years of the “telephone game”, publish works without appropriate fact checking or source citations, and leave it all open to interpretation by easily manipulated people 2000 years later, you end up with a shit storm of Biblical proportions.