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Christian Sex Toys!

It has long been the case that the religious right has concerned themselves too much with what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own homes. Their “religious moral superiority” gives them the right to tell you how to raise your children, tell you what you can put in your body, and tell you what you can put IN your body. I was surprised to see a Christian website devoted to selling adult toys.

Book22 tags itself as an outlet for “intimacy products for married couples.” According to their about page, they sell their products only to married couples, because in Genesis it says some shit about man and woman symbolically being one flesh in marriage. It’s easy to make symbolic inferences when you believe that man was created from dust and woman was created from a rib. They quote 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4, “For God wants you to be holy and pure and to keep clear of sexual sin so that each of you will marry in holiness and honor.” Their website name is derived from “Song of Solomon” being the 22nd book of the Bible, and Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines, so obviously he’s the best choice of mascots for a website that celebrates monogamy.

The twenty-second book of the Bible is Song of Solomon. We believe that God intended that such love, as spoken of in Song of Solomon, be a beautiful and normal part of marital life. Unfortunately this gift from God has been grossly distorted and abused by both ancient and modern people. Book22 is offering quality products to enhance the intimate life of God’s children. Our hope is that our products will serve as intimacy enhancers for your marriage.

While the website owners’ choice to sell adult novelties to Christian couples is considerably progressive, their inner prude shows in their packaging policy. When they order their products wholesale, they request that they be poly-bagged to avoid exposing their tender audience to the crude packaging that can often enclose such products. They have no problem selling a jack-off sleeve or jelly cock ring, but Jeebus forbid they send it to you in a package that might include an “inappropriate cardboard backing with images of nude or partially nude people.” Whew! That was a close one. I almost saw a penis on a package. Oh wait, what about one of the products on their site, Happy Penis Cream? Is that a series of multi-colored, smiling, anthropomorphic penises on the product’s label? Surely a pure Christian site such as this would put a sticker over the crude image in their promotional copy. (Yes, they actually do that.)

Again, I’m pleased that they are using their twisted interpretations of their twisted scripture to mainstream the usage of these products into Christian households, but it would be nice if they didn’t just hide behind a website. These people should be out lobbying their prudish counterparts across the globe to stop treating the idea of using such products as sinful and lascivious. They should be confronting people like former Alabama Assistant Attorney General William Pryor, Jr. who said that there is no “fundamental right for a person to buy a device to produce orgasm”. While that may be true, there is also no fundamental right for a person to buy a device that uses rapidly-rotating blades to shorten their grass, but you don’t seem to have a problem with that, do you? Apparently, your smug sense of superiority gives you the fundamental right to decide what people can enjoy behind closed doors. If recent history has shown us anything, it is possible that we may one day see his face on TV with shocking charges that he has committed some act that he has protested his entire life. Like every other time that type of story breaks, I will laugh my ass off.

P.S. According to an article at Huffington Post, as of 2009, Alabama is the only state that still has a law on the books that bans the sale of sexual devices. I’d like to think that Alabama is oblivious to the fact that the rest of the nation (including Mississippi) is laughing at them. Sadly, I know this isn’t the case, because I lived there for eight years.

Update: The couple running the website moved on to other ventures, and endorse Covenant Spice, a similar company, on their domain.

GodisPretend.net is 4 Years Old!

I hadn’t really realized how long I had been running this site until I looked up a few older posts a few weeks ago. This website has changed shape, servers, and domain names in those four years, but the central theme has stayed the same: religion is inherently violent and has no place in modern civilized society. As sort of a blast from the past, I present to you the first four blog posts I ever made on this site.

Subservience of Women
“What better move to make when writing the bible than to include a post to keep women in submission for all of time than to include the obligatory “men are better than women” verse.

The first epistle to Timothy brings us this travesty.” (Read More)

Evolution vs. Creation
“Life. Where did it come from? What does it have in store for me? What can I expect after life on earth?

Don’t know. It depends. Decomposition.” (Read More)

Don’t Pray For Me, Argentina
“I’ve got to hand it to Christianity. They have a pretty good racket setup. What most likely started as a simple way to keep the uneducated working class in check has become a self-perpetuating machine with all the right gimmicks built right in. Such as ‘We are right. Everyone else is wrong.’ Gotta love that one. No tolerance for diversity, no compassion for your fellow man, no ‘love thy neighbor’ (wait a tick…)” (Read More)

What Foxholes?
“You’ve probably all heard it. “There are no atheists in foxholes.” Oh really? What foxholes? And why wouldn’t they be down there? Are foxholes lined with Holy Water or some atheist repellant? I understand what this message is trying to convey, but that doesn’t make it anymore based in fact. The fact that people keep repeating this drivel only continues to lend to its credibility.” (Read More)

Are You Concerned?

I am concerned. I’m concerned that our country is legislated at all levels by people who put faith in front of reason. I’m concerned that children are deluded into believing nonsense during their earliest stages of development by equally clueless parents. I’m also concerned that if something isn’t done to stop the viral spread of religion and other disastrous ways of life, our way of life, not to mention our world, may be in serious danger.

These are not the same things that Kirk Cameron is worried about. See the transcript and my responses to Kirk (in blue) after the jump.

Read more

Christian Dating Sites – Are They Even Necessary?

christiandatingOnline dating is not a new phenomenon. Well, I guess that all depends on your frame of reference. I doubt the Department of Defense individuals that first utilized networked computers were doing any e-dating on the side, but as far as a prominent business, it has existed for several years.

I’m sure everyone has seen an e-Harmony television commercial or any of the millions of banner ads online for everything from match.com, gaysingles.com, peoplewholoveparcheesi.com, and every other crowd you can think of. The point it — it’s prolific. The one niche that I’ve noticed in greater numbers recently, is Christian dating sites. I don’t know if this is because there are more of them or because I am just noticing them more.

I really have two thoughts on them. 1) Good for them. The internet has really opened the world up for people to connect with others that they otherwise never may have met in their lives. 2) Are you effing kidding me? Christians exist in such massive numbers in this country, it surely can’t be hard to meet others. I live in a college town in Alabama, where the cup runneth over with Christians, and with all the meetings of Campus Crusade for Christ, Reformed University Fellowship, Baptist Student Union, Navigators, Beta Upsilon Chi (Brothers Under Christ), Baptist Campus Ministries, Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship, Christian Student Center, Fellowship of Catholic University Students (FOCUS), Ministries in Action, Encounter, Students for Life, and the Wesley Foundation, you’d think they’d have plenty of opportunities to find a mate.

By the way, that list is in no way exhaustive as there are many more campus and local organizations affiliated with individual churches and sects. There are a plethora of opportunities to find similarly brainwashed people just in a small college town in Alabama. Surely it is similar elsewhere, if not just in the Bible Belt.

If anyone needs help with dating in my town, it’s atheists, gays, and Muslims. And if you are all three, you are screwed (though not literally).

Maybe I’ve interpreted this all wrongly. Maybe it is difficult for Christians to find someone else who shares their same twisted, literal interpretation of an ancient, contradictory text.

Anyway, the CALL TO ACTION! I’m sure on your travels around the interwebs you’ve encountered particularly humorous postings or profiles on Facebook, MySpace, or dating sites that are of the Christian-seeking-Christian type. There are too many sites out there for me to browse, so if you’ve ever bookmarked a particularly ridiculous specimen, please share it here!

I leave you with a small excerpt taken from a Christian singles group on Facebook. This girl had written this massive treatise on how guys pursue their prospective Christian mates. It was quite nauseating, and for your courtesy, I have pared it down to just a taste of what was written. You can easily find more on the thousands of Christian Facebook groups.

I had a guy friend, or two, tell me that I should be flattered that men liked me. That’s when it hit me: there was some serious miscommunication going on. I didn’t feel flattered! I felt worthless. I felt like a trendy dress hanging up in Forever 21, next to the other exact replicas of me in different colors. Yes– Those clothes are cute; but they aren’t special by any means. I am hand made by a God who isn’t into trends. So, where is it? Where does a man’s intention of treating a girl right, turn into treating her like a mass produced clothing item? I believe I have found it. It’s in the pursuit.

Barf. No wonder you’re single.