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Jewish Male Singles Calendar

jewcalendar2010Well it’s that time again. Time to buy a decorative wall calendar for the coming year. Corvettes, dachshunds, Far Side cartoons, and pictures of beaches are always popular choices, but why settle for such humdrum choices when you can sport 2010’s hottest new selection, the Nice Jewish Guys calendar!

What better way to celebrate an entire year than with 12 hand-picked Jewish guys, each with stunningly stereotypical features.

nice_jewish_guys

“These are the guys you can take home to mom.”
Denise Rabinowitz
New York, NY

“Finally a real guy on a calendar who I can actually marry… AND THEY’RE NICE!”
Monica Stillman
Chicago, Ill

Even the supposed testimonials are ridiculous. I’m surprised Gilda Himmelstein didn’t chime in with some feedback.

If you find yourself wanting to look at oversized noses and greasy, curly hair for the next 12 months, drop by NiceJewishGuys.net and slap $12.95 on the barrelhead. I’d say, “You’ll be glad you did,” but I hardly think that would be the case.

Christian Dating Sites – Are They Even Necessary?

christiandatingOnline dating is not a new phenomenon. Well, I guess that all depends on your frame of reference. I doubt the Department of Defense individuals that first utilized networked computers were doing any e-dating on the side, but as far as a prominent business, it has existed for several years.

I’m sure everyone has seen an e-Harmony television commercial or any of the millions of banner ads online for everything from match.com, gaysingles.com, peoplewholoveparcheesi.com, and every other crowd you can think of. The point it — it’s prolific. The one niche that I’ve noticed in greater numbers recently, is Christian dating sites. I don’t know if this is because there are more of them or because I am just noticing them more.

I really have two thoughts on them. 1) Good for them. The internet has really opened the world up for people to connect with others that they otherwise never may have met in their lives. 2) Are you effing kidding me? Christians exist in such massive numbers in this country, it surely can’t be hard to meet others. I live in a college town in Alabama, where the cup runneth over with Christians, and with all the meetings of Campus Crusade for Christ, Reformed University Fellowship, Baptist Student Union, Navigators, Beta Upsilon Chi (Brothers Under Christ), Baptist Campus Ministries, Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship, Christian Student Center, Fellowship of Catholic University Students (FOCUS), Ministries in Action, Encounter, Students for Life, and the Wesley Foundation, you’d think they’d have plenty of opportunities to find a mate.

By the way, that list is in no way exhaustive as there are many more campus and local organizations affiliated with individual churches and sects. There are a plethora of opportunities to find similarly brainwashed people just in a small college town in Alabama. Surely it is similar elsewhere, if not just in the Bible Belt.

If anyone needs help with dating in my town, it’s atheists, gays, and Muslims. And if you are all three, you are screwed (though not literally).

Maybe I’ve interpreted this all wrongly. Maybe it is difficult for Christians to find someone else who shares their same twisted, literal interpretation of an ancient, contradictory text.

Anyway, the CALL TO ACTION! I’m sure on your travels around the interwebs you’ve encountered particularly humorous postings or profiles on Facebook, MySpace, or dating sites that are of the Christian-seeking-Christian type. There are too many sites out there for me to browse, so if you’ve ever bookmarked a particularly ridiculous specimen, please share it here!

I leave you with a small excerpt taken from a Christian singles group on Facebook. This girl had written this massive treatise on how guys pursue their prospective Christian mates. It was quite nauseating, and for your courtesy, I have pared it down to just a taste of what was written. You can easily find more on the thousands of Christian Facebook groups.

I had a guy friend, or two, tell me that I should be flattered that men liked me. That’s when it hit me: there was some serious miscommunication going on. I didn’t feel flattered! I felt worthless. I felt like a trendy dress hanging up in Forever 21, next to the other exact replicas of me in different colors. Yes– Those clothes are cute; but they aren’t special by any means. I am hand made by a God who isn’t into trends. So, where is it? Where does a man’s intention of treating a girl right, turn into treating her like a mass produced clothing item? I believe I have found it. It’s in the pursuit.

Barf. No wonder you’re single.

SEXPOSED!

Of all the archaic “morals”, when will this one finally cease to exist? If someone chooses to not have sex before marriage, that’s fine. I know a lot of people who have made that choice and I 100% respect that. What I don’t respect is that some people have been brainwashed into thinking that it is somehow a sin or devalues your future relationships.

The Bible promotes slavery. As a society, we have all cast a furrowed brow upon that practice. The Bible promotes the subservience of women. As a society, most of us at least, have frowned upon that view as well. When will the same be true of pre-marital sex?

What tickles me the most is when I meet a practitioner of this idea that has done pretty much everything except have vaginal intercourse. Does that even honor the spirit of the idea? If you take the message of the video that you wouldn’t want something that someone else has already used, then how do oral sex, mutual masturbation, anal sex, and other acts “slip through the cracks.”

Don’t get me wrong, I think abstinence is a good idea, but I think discretion is an even better one. Obviously, there are a lot of threats that face people who engage in sex: sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy being the most common. But are there not other ways to avoid those things without fear of eternal hellfire? After all, in accordance with Christian tradition, one could live a life of absolute debauchery and then surrender their heart to Jesus when they’ve finished sowing their oats. The only thing that keeps more people from truly liberating themselves from the shackles of this ancient prohibition is the fear that, if they were to die before surrendering their life to Christ, you know, the hellfire thing.

You Gotta Be Yoking

Is this what Christians seek? Inclusion through exclusion?Whoever said, “Better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not,” obviously wasn’t an atheist looking for a relationship in a world full of people who think atheists are the worst scum of the earth.

In Chapter 6 of Second Corinthians, beginning with Verse 14, Paul says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers for what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols?

Thanks a ton, Paul, for creating such a vivid dichotomy 2000 years ago that continues to fuck over nice people like myself in the real world. Let’s see, what could a nonbeliever like myself possibly have in common with a Christian girl? How about mutual respect for humanity? How about a love of politics, nature, and law? Nope! None of those things matter. The fact that she believes in a supreme being and I don’t is enough to dissolve those connections.

It truly saddens me that in what I believe to be a pretty educated and reasonable age, people still put so much stock in the tall tales of men who walked the earth two millennia ago.

I don’t dislike the girls who hold these beliefs; I dislike the institution that ingrains antiquated notions of good and evil into decent people’s minds.