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Ignorant Indianapolis Woman Confuses Inertia for ‘God’

Indianapolis wackaloon Charlotte Thompson recently had the misfortune of stray gunfire tearing into her car. Worse yet, her two great-granddaughters were in the car with her. Luckily, no one was killed in this incident.

As illustrated in the story, let me describe the path of the bullet: through the car door, through her great-granddaughter Shyann, through a purse containing a Bible, and into a watermelon.

Keeping that path in mind, absorb the following quote from Thompson.

Came through the door, hit her, then it went to the Bible, she said. The Bible was sitting on the seat between the two girls. It went in here and come out here and it shredded my Sunday School book. The word of God slowed the bullet so that it didn’t kill anybody.

Right in the watermelon. Didn’t come out of the watermelon, Thompson said. The word of God and the Lord’s power saved. He sent the bullet into the watermelon.

The little girl recovered from her injuries, and I’m very glad of that. However I hope she has a better physics teacher than her ignorant great-grandmother had. In keeping with the principles of inertia, friction and resistance created by the door, the Bible, and a human abdomen slowed the bullet, not “the word of god and the lord’s power”. The fact that this woman even toys with the notion that there was any divine intervention is laughable or infuriating, depending on how much you have to deal with this sort of bullshit on a daily basis.

To falsely teach her great-grandchildren by reinforcing this nonsense is a form of neglect. She is failing to properly educate these children by attributing physical occurrences to the supernatural. Telling kids that ‘thunder is actually angels bowling’ is harmless enough, because I don’t know that the tellers of such tall tales actually believe the stories, and the children will eventually learn about the temperature differential caused by a bolt of lightning. To lead them to believe that God slowed down a bullet to keep anyone from getting killed is plain stupid, and may lead to resistance when the time comes that someone tries to teach them what really happened that day.

By the way, wouldn’t it have been a little more convenient if God had slowed the bullet down before it pierced poor Shyann? Why didn’t God make her carry the watermelon? I know why. Because God doesn’t exist. He is a phantom. Acts are attributed to him when the attributee is too ignorant to know the real cause.

If you haven’t seen the movie Pulp Fiction, watch the clip below for a theatrical replay of this scenario. There is some harsh language, so it’s not quite work safe.

Birth Defects DNE Godhood

Some Think Baby, Born With Two Faces, Is a Reincarnation of a God

Some people are pretty fucking stupid.

Here’s a choice quote from the story that sums up the real travesty:

“She is very normal,” Dr. Brigdal Nagar yelled, pointing at an ABC News reporter and shoving Vinod Singh aside. “We don’t need the media here. She’s not an abnormal baby. It’s just that she has two faces. And she’s living a very normal life. And if she dies in the future, it’s as God wishes.”

That’s right. The man who said “if she dies… it’s as God wishes” has “Dr.” in front of his name. Shame on whatever degree-granting institution provided him with his medical license.

Never mind the fact that there is next to no prenatal care available in these rural villages. You have a hospital here willing to perform a free CT scan and MRI to allow experts with experience with these kinds of defects to give a prognosis, but the parents will not allow it!

Life span is often not great for newborns with these kinds of serious problems, and without proper medical care, this girl could likely die. But no! She is revered as the return of Ganesh by the locals. Because a girl with two faces = half woman, half elephant. These people are fucking ridiculous. Here’s an idea, don’t drink and bathe in the same river where people dump their feces and dispose of dead bodies. Here’s another idea, let medical professionals do their jobs and properly diagnose your daughter’s condition.

Who needs doctors?

Sick children are no laughing matter. I really feel for the child, who can’t experience many elements of a healthy childhood, and the parents, whose lives are consumed with worry and financial burden. And while I personally believe that the United States’ healthcare system has its shortcomings, I do believe that we have some of the best doctors, nurses, and caregivers in the world. I believe they do a great job based on their training and experience.

However, there are those out there that do not believe so. These professionals are missing something.

Prayer.

I came across a support group on Facebook for a sick child that urged others to “please keep this beautiful prayer in mind”.

Lord Jesus Christ, Good Shepherd of the sheep, you gather the lambs in your arms and carry them in your bosom: We commend to your loving care this child. Relieve her pain, guard her from all danger, restore to her your gifts of gladness and strength, and raise this child up to a life of service to you. Hear us, we pray, for you dear Name’s sake. Amen.

I don’t think that prayer is beautiful. I think it is ridiculous. I mean, strictly speaking, I think all prayer is ridiculous, but this one is absolutely absurd. It contains every cliche prayer word and phrase imaginable: “lambs”, “commend”, “raise up”. I mean what does “gather the lambs in your arms and carry them in your bosom” even mean? Does it mean “embrace the children with your love”? Then why not say that? Just because the Bible is written in stuffy, archaic language doesn’t mean you have to carefully construct your prayers to match in style.

“We commend to your loving care this child. Relieve her pain, guard her from all danger, restore to her your gifts of gladness and strength, and raise this child up to a life of service to you.” Why are you in a hospital? Do you not trust God to relieve the pain, guard from danger, and restore strength? Is it just possible that your words to God fall upon deaf (read: nonexistant) ears and the real miracles are being performed by trained medical professionals?

Stop praying for sick people. Studies show that it doesn’t help. In fact, it can even hurt.

Overdue Jesus Camp Story

If you are like me, you probably attended some type of summer camp at some point in your youth. I attended 4-H camp, which had no religious connections at all. The second year I went, the camp overlapped a Sunday, and the campers had the option of attending an all-faiths service, but that was it. As a matter of fact, looking back at every away-from-home-on-Sunday function I have ever attended, I can’t remember a single person getting bent out of shape because church services weren’t arranged.

I guess you have figured out that I never attended church camp. I never even understood the idea behind church camp. You can go to church twice a week and follow your beliefs all the other times, why would you want to do it every single day at summer camp?? Most people find solace in a group of like-minded individuals, but are religious camps just about creating an environment of those with similar beliefs? Some evangelical camps, as highlighted in the movie Jesus Camp, are geared towards pumping children up to spread the word of their god. As one child puts it, “we’re being trained to be God’s army.” This camp’s goal is to prepare children to take the nation back and put it in Jesus’ hands.

Not all camps are as extreme as the one illustrated in this documentary, but it goes to show how far some people are willing to take their cause. Being a free thinker in America is apparently a bad thing. Having an idea contrary to the evangelical money/power machine is a good way to get noticed in a bad way. As one person states in the movie, “There are two types of people in the world: those who love Jesus, and those who don’t.” You don’t say? Those who love bread, those who don’t. Those who love origami, those who don’t. It’s a rather broad and meaningless statement, but when you look into it a little, it shows how black and white the world is to an evangelical. Evangelical Christianity is good and anyone who stands in their way is fueled by Satan.

My main beef with all of this is that they are targeting children. One of the camp leaders notes that the “enemy” is targeting children, so they should prepare a good evangelical offense. Children are highly impressionable. Anyone who was ever fed the Santa Claus bullshit story knows this. When you are young, you actually believe things like a fat man delivering presents to all Christian boys and girls in one night via chimney mail. What do you have to do to get those presents? Oh, it varies from household to household: eating your vegetables, cleaning your room, doing well on your math test, etc. Santa-ism is a miniature religion replete with all of the elements of control and obedience seen in its macro predecessor.

Centuries of common law have led us to the conclusion that children are unfit to handle certain decisions. No driving until. No drinking until. No sex until. No legal documents until. All of these things are rather menial when compared to committing oneself to an eternal being. How can a child of five even begin to comprehend what is going on when they are saying a prayer of salvation? No matter how bright the child is or how much religion has played a role in his life up to that point, there is only so much, developmentally speaking, that he can process. Look at marriage: a very sacred ceremony, the strict definition of which is heavily lobbied by evangelicals. That being the case, why aren’t children allowed to marry? Surely choosing your earth-bound love is a far cry from accepting Christ’s love eternal. Herding a child toward salvation and then casting them through the gates at such an early age serves no purpose aside from furthering your own religious agenda. That child will no longer look at things and see what they are, but how they are connected to Jesus’ plan.

Regardless of whether you like the film or find it too “propagandistic”, it provides some insight to how at least one group of evangelicals plan to reclaim their religious foothold in the hearts and minds of Americans.