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Some More Bill Maher Quotes

My friend sent me some Bill Maher quotes a while back which I posted for your enjoyment. Stop holding your breath, because she sent me some more for me to share.

New Rule: If churches don’t have to pay taxes, they also can’t call the fire department when they catch fire. Sorry, Reverend, that’s one of those services that goes along with paying in. I’ll use the fire department I pay for; you can pray for rain.

If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.

Sam Brownback, Mike Huckabee and Tom Tancredo – those are the three guys who said they do not believe in evolution. And the irony will be on them when their campaigns die off in favor of stronger, fitter campaigns.

I always say, “You know what? So what if you love Jesus. Would Jesus love you?”

I know the “morals and values” folks want us to take time out of the school day for prayer and the Ten Commandments and abstinence training, and to learn at least two theories of evolution – the one agreed upon by every scientist in the world, and the one that involves naked ladies and snakes.

The Kansas School Board again is trying to pass a resolution replacing teaching of evolution with the teaching of “creationism.” They pointed out today in the meeting that no one actually ever saw evolution happen. They also passed a resolution that says your feet disappear when you put on shoes.

A Few Bill Maher Quotes

A while back, one of my friends sent me some quotes from her Real Time with Bill Maher daily calendar. I share them now for your enjoyment.

To even win a nomination in this country, you have to say you’re a person of great faith. You have to pledge the people out there that you put your faith in things that are unable to be proven — that you suspend critical thinking as the way to go.

Now I’m sure you are all aware of what’s going on down in Alabama, where that judge insists of placing the monument of the Ten Commandments in his courthouse. The good news is the U.S. Supreme Court will not hear of keeping the Ten Commandments in the courthouse…. No, the Supreme Court was very clear. They said you cannot install a giant slab of granite in a state building unless its name is Arnold Schwarzenegger.

In New York, Catholic groups have forced an art gallery to shut down an exhibition of a six-foot image of Jesus in chocolate. So, the Archbishop of New York was very upset. He said, “It is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers.”

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn’t make you spiritual. It’s right above the crack of your ass, and it translate to “beef with broccoli.” The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren’t pregnant. You’re not spiritual. You’re just high.

Religulous DVD. Buy It. Now.

Buy It. Watch It. Show It To Friends.

religulous2


On another happy note, as I had secretly hoped, T-Shirt Hell is NOT going out of business, and was just faking it to boost sales. Well played. Well played, indeed. Their 10% off sale is running through the end of the week, so now is the time to glom onto some very declarative apparel.

Religulous DVD Release on February 17th

religulous1Even though only ten days ago, I had no idea, Amazon has now listed a release date for Religulous. On February 17th, you and I will become owners of a great documentary that we can add to our arsenal of reason when we defend our decisions and illustrate lunacy. For the value price of $19.99, you can pre-order the DVD today.

Please take a moment to Digg, Stumble, or share this post on Facebook to help get the word out on this film. If you didn’t get to see it in the theater, it can be your personal way of thanking Bill Maher for a great movie.