Experience the Magic of the Prayer Cross

February 18, 2009 on 7:01 pm | 33 Comments

Looking for the gaudiest religious accessory ever? Well look no further, because you have found the Prayer Cross! A one-of-a-kind spiritual accessory that not only contains a prayer that most people have had memorized since childhood, but looks like shit too!

“Watch as people gaze in amazement as they experience the prayer cross for the first time.” Umm. No.

“When held up to the light the Lord’s Prayer because instantly and almost miraculously visible.” No. It doesn’t. It’s simple optics. No miracles of any kind.

It’s especially humorous that it comes with a “Certificate of Authenticity”. So many things come with those today, as if someone will ever say to you, “Hey! I have my doubts as to whether that terrible piece of $40 jewelry is authentic or not. Got any documentation?” Of course, the thing that really needs a certificate of authenticity is God himself. Don’t see one anywhere for him…

Kind of reminiscent of this parody infomercial.

Tags: fundie video, humor, old testament, prayer, weird

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33 Comments »

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1. Doesn’t surprise me a bit. Religion is the biggest, and oldest, money making scam of all time. The best part is, it’s all tax-free! The masses, and their money, are the opium of religion.

   Comment by Varuka_Salt — February 19, 2009 #

2. Man, I am buying the hell out of that. Serving God ain’t hard with a credit card! Praise the Lord!

   Comment by the_leif — February 20, 2009 #

3. I’m pretty sure those two people in the ad are the same couple that are in that Listen In hearing device.

   The one with the old bitch who tells her husband to turn down the TV cuz its too loud.

   Comment by ass — February 28, 2009 #

4. Actually, it probably is. The production company (Blue Moon Studios – Fred Vanore, Exec. Producer) that produced that commercial has done many others for equally pointless products. Check out their YouTube channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/BlueMoonStudios

   Comment by God is Pretend — March 1, 2009 #

5. This website is great

   Comment by Haha — April 8, 2009 #

6. This website is great !

   Comment by Haha — April 8, 2009 #

7. It’s not even the full text, at least not as I remember it! Doesn’t the Lord’s Prayer usually end with “For thine is the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory, forever and ever, Amen” ?

   Comment by AJS — April 9, 2009 #

8. It sure enough does.

   Does the Prayer Cross cut if off? I found the display at my local Wal-Mart, but unfortunately it was empty and I was unable to experience the miracle for myself.

   Comment by God is Pretend — April 9, 2009 #

9. Isn’t WalMart the answer to all our prayers anyway?

   Comment by TLC — April 14, 2009 #

10. [...] to my fellow Jewmanist’s site Not My God for shifts ‘n googles. After experiencing the magic of the prayer cross, you just know that there is so much more tacky Christian decor out there just waiting to be [...]

    Pingback by Christian Kitsch Contest - the Jewmanist — April 23, 2009 #

11. Yes, it is incomplete! I found this website on a Google search for “prayer cross” for thine is the kingdom. Kinda reminded me of those scams from overseas with lots of misspellings! What bs!!

    Comment by Gayle — April 28, 2009 #

12. you’re all a bunch of morons! someday you will see why life is not always a bowl of cherries and you have to have faith and make some hard decisions! gee isn’t too bad God didn’t make life simple for you all, so you could just glide through life. you are all so weak, so very very weak!

    Comment by papertiger1968 — July 16, 2009 #

13. We all have our different beliefs, some have no belief. What exactly do you “God is pretend” people believe in? Anything? The person who did the blog that said “Of course, the thing that really needs a certificate of authenticity is God himself. Don’t see one anywhere for him…”…look at yourself in the mirror. Can you see, breath, walk, talk, hear, touch, the simple things we do every day that we don’t even think about – that if it were taken away, then we’d notice. Those aren’t just things that evolution (which is pretend) did…our creator did. Wether it’s “God”, or whatever people believe – something, someone out there created US and if you belive we evolved from an ape, gorilla, monkey or whatever…you are a DA. As far as the “certificate of authenticity from God” it’s in YOU and the things you can do on a daily basis that you take for granted.

    Comment by Amy Girl — July 30, 2009 #

14. You know, I guess I will just ask you one of the most basic questions no theist can answer:

    If we were created by God, who created God?

    If something so intimately complex as the human body can only be attributed to a supreme creator, then surely said creator must be even more complex, which begs the question of where such a complex creator came from.

    Comment by God is Pretend — August 1, 2009 #

15. Atheist,
    If you don’t believe in God, why “fight” against Him and those who do believe?

    Comment by Stephanie — November 19, 2009 #

16. Stephanie,

    Because those believers aren’t content with just keeping their beliefs to themselves and insist on infiltrating all manner of public institutions to spread their religious message illegally.

    That is why.

    -Atheist

    Comment by God is Pretend — November 20, 2009 #

17. For God so Loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him may have everlasting life…..John 3:16…..
    Be careful making fun of God’s word and his annointed….even though he loves you and gave his life for you…he is still a just God. You will give an account one day as you stand before him….and making fun of him on this site will come back to haunt you……

    Comment by Pam — December 7, 2009 #

18. We’ll certainly see about that. Oh wait, because once you die and go to Heaven or Hell, you can’t come back to give eyewitness testimony.

    Do you have any historical evidence other than the Bible that confirms the divinity of Jesus?

    Of course you don’t. Nor do you need that. You are perfectly happy accepting something for which there is no proof. I’m not however.

    Comment by God is Pretend — December 7, 2009 #

19. “Do you have any historical evidence other than the Bible that confirms the divinity of Jesus?”

    Sure. Josephus records this about one who was known as “Jesus of Nazareth” – “Now there was about this time Jesus, a wise man, if it be lawful to call him a man; for he was a doer of wonderful works, a teacher of such men as receive the truth with pleasure. He drew over to him both many of the Jews and many of the Gentiles. He was [the] Christ. And when Pilate, at the suggestion of the principal men amongst us, had condemned him to the cross, those that loved him at the first did not forsake him; for he appeared to them alive again the third day; as the divine prophets had foretold these and ten thousand other wonderful things concerning him. And the tribe of Christians, so named from him, are not extinct at this day.”

    I feel I should mention that where he says, “He was the Christ,” there is considerable debate that what he actually said was, “He was believed to be the Christ.”

    Of course no amount of writings will “prove” his divinity, including the Bible. For that, we could suggest logical thinking. We have plenty of historical evidence that all the apostles but one died in horrible ways, and that they were all tortured at one or more times. Since they could have gained nothing by torture and death by claiming Jesus was the Messiah (Christ), and by pulling off some of the things we are told such as the body disappearing, why would they do that? Did they not believe he was going to re-establish the Jewish empire> So, when he died without producing this, would they not rather have just gone back to their lives and tried to forget this forgery? Why risk your life for something you know for a fact is not true (and they would be those who knew)?

    Comment by Vincent Eagan — December 7, 2009 #

20. I knew you’d bring up Josephus. Funny, how out of all of the historians that lived in that area during the time of Jesus, only one of them mentions something remotely similar to Christ. And he actually used the word chrestus, which means “anointed one”, and there were several people at the time that that could have applied to.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josephus_on_Jesus#Arguments_against_authenticity

    There are far more arguments AGAINST authenticity of Josephus’ claims than for.

    Comment by God is Pretend — December 8, 2009 #

21. I know you don’t believe in Jesus Christ. But you might thank him anyway that you live in a country where people like me have to put up with this sort of arrogant crap from people like you. Here’s an idea, move to Afghanistan and then get down on Allah. By the time their clerics had grabbed your tongue with a pair of pliers and cut it half way out of your mouth, you would be crying out to any God that would listen to you. Who knows, maybe you’d pick the right one.

    Comment by Andy — December 14, 2009 #

22. Wait, you are suggesting that because I despise living in a country with a moderate, yet growing, number of religious fundamentalists, the best way to remedy that would be to move to a country with even more religious intolerance? Are you high?

    Here’s an idea. Why don’t you move to 1990s Northern Ireland so you can see Christians killing Christians. Then maybe you’d see that your god is just as fucked up and violent as Allah is.

    And just so you know, I did not take the time to thank someone whose divinity I deny as you suggested. That’s just silly.

    Comment by God is Pretend — December 17, 2009 #

23. In the same way an ameba is completely devoid of any awareness, it’s obvious as an atheist you’re equally devoid of a brainstem.

    You admit that you despise living in this Christian country. Then you express horror at the idea of living in any other country where the ranting of your views would likely cost you your life. Well dip-shit, that’s the whole point.

    Making the ameba look genius, here we have our “Water Headed” atheist. He hates living in the good old “God Bless” America, but is scared shitless of living in a dangerous alternative state with too much religious intolerance. As an atheist, religious intolerance is what you’re suppose to be all about! I would tell you to make up your mind. But like the dumb ass you are, amebas never had one to begin with.

    As to your lame statement about Christians killing Christians, go tell every African American you meet how God really screwed them over with the civil war.

    Oh well, here’s wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

    Now go to hell you piece of shit.

    Comment by Andy — December 18, 2009 #

24. If you’d like to make an intelligent point, it’s best not to start off with personal attacks. That does nothing for your credibility.

    Yes, this country is full of religious fanatics, but it’s not just because it’s a predominantly Christian country. I despise all religions because they are nothing but dogmatic systems of control for those that are too ignorant to form values on their own. I would not volunteer to move to an even more religiously zealous country, and for you to insinuate that I should enjoy that is ignorant on your part. I’m not “scared shitless” to live in Afghanistan; it’s just illogical to think that that would ever be an option.

    Here’s an idea. If you have heaven waiting for you after death, why don’t you go to Afghanistan to convert those dirty heathen Muslims, and if you die in the process, OH WELL. You’ve got heaven ever lasting to look forward to.

    Comment by God is Pretend — December 18, 2009 #

25. I’d do it before ending up in hell with a dick like you.

    Comment by Andy — December 18, 2009 #

26. Well at least you are mature, and a good logical voice for Christians everywhere.

    Comment by God is Pretend — December 20, 2009 #

27. Okay, this is the truth about what’s been going on between you and I.

    A person like you puts up a site like this and then just sits back and starts taking shots at a God you don’t believe exists? Yeah right, like that makes sense. You and I both know that your site is all about taking shots at, and offending people who do believe in God.

    Your references to my posts as personal attacks against you just
    give credence to your blind one-sided arrogance. Dishing it out has been easy for you, because people who believe God are suppose to just sit quietly by and take it on the chin.

    Well believe it or not, I actually know and get along very well with several Atheists, Agonists, Muslims, Jews, and followers of other religions. The difference is, we can talk about our beliefs while showing genuine respect for each other at the same time.

    None of us would ever dream of offending each other for our very diverse beliefs. If we did, we would be just like you. You could learn a thing or two from my friends. By the way, they’re equally offended by the cheap shot attacks of your site on my beliefs, as I would be of anyone attacking them for their beliefs.

    As to my posts, they’ve seen them with they stand with me on principle. I do believe in God, but I will stand toe-to-toe with any jackass that thinks I’ll just put up with their put-downs. I would do the same for any person of any belief.

    Just ask my friends.

    Comment by Andy — December 21, 2009 #

28. Well here’s the beauty of the internet, Andy. It’s not like I’m in your home shouting you down for believing in something that I think is utterly stupid. This is a website which you can choose to visit or choose to ignore.

    You chose to view, and that is your own fault. You never had to be exposed to the content on this site. I’ll have a civilized debate with anyone, any day of the week, but the purpose of this site is not to engage in two-way communication. It serves to publish some of the illustrations of how ridiculous and harmful religious belief can be.

    Next time, before you think I am putting you down, just remember that you exposed yourself to this website. That’s the real truth about what happened here.

    Comment by God is Pretend — December 21, 2009 #

29. I would rather live my life as though there is a God then end my life without purpose. Jesus is not just the reason for the season; he is the reason for life! Just give Him a chance.

    Comment by Kelly D — December 22, 2009 #

30. You say that life without God is a life without purpose. That is exactly where you and I differ. I believe that my life very much has a purpose. I live to make this world better for ALL, not just those who have a certain world view. Unfortunately, making the world better sure is difficult with myriad religious wars and conflicts scarring the planet.

    Comment by God is Pretend — December 22, 2009 #

31. This is absolutely hilarious. I love how defensive people get about their religious beliefs, as if you’re personally attacking them.

    To everyone who believes in some form of life after death: either you believe in it or you don’t, who cares whether some guy on the internet agrees with you?

    Comment by Johnoes — January 5, 2010 #

32. Dang it! Is it too late to comment on the prayer cross, or do I have to argue about Christianity and Afghanistan and stuff?

    I just want to know what sort of crystals these “brilliant genuine crystals” are. Diamond? Sugar? Who knows? Dumbest. Ad. Ever.

    Comment by FlyingSpaghettiMonster — January 8, 2010 #

33. Sorry. You didn’t mention Afghanistan. I’m afraid I’m going to have to delete your comment.

    Comment by God is Pretend — January 8, 2010 #

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